You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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