I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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