I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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