see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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