i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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