She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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