guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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