i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
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I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
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I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
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Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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