we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
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All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
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Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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