But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Welp...herpes.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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