I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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