Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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