Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My vagina is very pro this idea
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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