we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
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Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
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Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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