i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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