Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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