i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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