Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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