The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My vagina just clenched in fear
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