2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
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You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
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I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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