Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize