i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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