I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize