This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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