Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize