Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize