I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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