i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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