I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize