so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
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I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
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We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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