yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I am midnight drunk by noon
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
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my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
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I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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