I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize