and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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