Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize