let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize