We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
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You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
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Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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