just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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