dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
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Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
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Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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