you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
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He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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