I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
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Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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