mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize