I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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