i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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