i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
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When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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