I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
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This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
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Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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