I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize