Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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