It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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