If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
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From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
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He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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