my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
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If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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